he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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