he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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