He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
