Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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