Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
