Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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