I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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