I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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