I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
