She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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