The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
