weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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