Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
