1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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