not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
