it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
