if i can run in heels then i can drive
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
