I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
