We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
