if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
