how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
