I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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