haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
