also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im part way to drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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