does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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