Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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