Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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