Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
