Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
