Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
