i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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