I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
