Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
