exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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