just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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