I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
