and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
