i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
