Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
