Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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