How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
