We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
