my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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