I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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