You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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