your room smells of hookers.
And success
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
