everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
