the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
