What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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