at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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