He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
