I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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