I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
