you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
