True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
