i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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