I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love you.
Bad choice
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