I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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