Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When did angry sex become our thing?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
