Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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