I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
