In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
