By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
