it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
