it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
