So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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