I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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