Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
