I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
