I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
