how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
