can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
