Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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